More to come...
This month has been a struggle as I am physically and emotionally exhausted. We had Deyton's celebration of life and it was very somber. I wish I felt the same peace I had after the candlelight vigil. Lila came back early from her swim meet so she could make it, and we went out for Panera macaroni and cheese afterward. It was some good comfort food and conversation.
Papa Rick and Nana Peggy came for a visit that night and I just was not up to visiting. I was able to make it to a couple of family dinners and made it through.
I had my back MRI. I also started back at club practice and it was good to be back on the court and have something to focus on. Immediately after, I wanted to text Deyton and was devasted when the reality hit me once again.
I was one of 20 area volleyball players selected to play in a Hometown Heroes charity event. We had one practice night before the game. It was fun to play with such amazing players! I was tied for the shortest person there. The night of the game was so much fun. The support and comradery between the players is what I crave. I laughed and played hard and was just what I needed.
We had an early Thanksgiving at Lisa's. It didn't feel like Thanksgiving but we had fun playing games. I am trying so hard to be present and that's about all I can do. I went to two MU volleyball games with mom and was able to sit by Janaya both times. It was nice to be with friends. Our family went to Washington for Thanksgiving. We went to Grandma Kathy and Grandpa Tom's and I tried really hard to be happy, but just couldn't do it the whole day. We went to Papa Ron and Linda's the next day and played Fast Track. Even though I won all the games, I just didn't feel happy.
There were a few highlights to healing. I chose to play in the snow with the dogs one afternoon. I also got to pull Emily's tooth because it was wiggly and I love doing that! We had St. Nicholas day and a White Elephant party with the Missouri Juniors team. Our church youth group had our baking night. We also had our BHS volleyball banquet. I think I am about peopled out and tired of faking it.
One positive thing is that Heidi and I have become close. We send each other a "Daily Deyton" to remember him. Sometimes it is a bible verse, but it helps me get through. I know this is going to be a long hard road.
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