15 Years, 11 Months...Exhausting Christmas fun!

More to come...

This has been a really busy month, physically and emotionally.  The Christmas celebrations have begun and I did my best to be present.  Our Church had a Christmas dinner.  I went to Lori's after school one day because her mom got us all Christmas gifts which was really sweet. I was invited to join the Secret Santa gift exchange with Lori and Abby and other friends of Deyton's.  I went to Lillian's for the youth party. I also went to Emily's Christmas concert.

I was so relieved when I made it to the last day of school.  Somehow, I made all A's!  That night, I wene to Taylor's 18th birthday party.  I was so thrilled to be invited and enjoyed going on the party bus to look at Christmas lights.  Morgan kidnapped me to take me out for ice cream one night when Taylor was gone.  Later that night, Lori came over and kidnapped me to have me help her deliver cookies to friends, one being Chase's house!

I was invited to Heidi's annual cookie baking day.  She invites family and like-family members to come over and bake cookies on the anniversary of her Dad's death.  Deyton looked forward to this day every year and I was honored to be a part of it.  I got to bake with some of her good friends and her older special needs brother.  It was a very healing day.

As much as I love Christmas, I was really dreading it this year.  On Christmas Eve, our family visited Grandma Rose.  It was nice to listen to her reminisce about when she was young.  We then went to Grandma Kathy and Grandpa Tom's at their new house.  It was different, but nice to talk with and laugh with everyone. Only Mom and I went to the Christmas Eve service at Chruch.  I got very emotional when they turned off the lights and we lit candles and sang Silent Night.  I felt Deyton's presence then.

We had a relaxing Christmas at home.  We enjoyed opening gifts.  I got a lot of face products that I was needing and I was most excited about my new clean cell phone case! Later that night, we celebrated at Lisa's.  I enjoyed listening to Nana Arden and Papa Rodney reminisce about when they met and got engaged.

Papa Ron and Linda came here the day after Christmas.  Linda go us Fast Track, the game that we love to play.  We spent time playing that and hanging out.  As much as I enjoyed all the festivities, I was glad they were over so I could just sleep.

One night, Aurora took Avonlea, Emily, and me to the Wicked sing-a-long. I loved the movie and really enjoyed the sing-a-long.  We went to the Fajens to play games while Jonathan and Jacob were in town.  We had a Church Brunch worship.  I went over to Nana Arden's to put puzzles together.  I asked to do this and even arranged it!  I had a lot of fun going to see Christmas lights with Nana Arden and Papa Rodney.  We did pictures with the Fajens on New Years Eve

I had several New Year's Eve offers, and chose to spent the night at Ella's.  I had so much fun and I'm glad we are becoming friends again.  We did a break out room together then next day.  Taylor invited me to go out to brunch with her which was really nice.  We had Aurora and Avonlea over to hang out and I did some diamond art.  I love talking to Aurora!

We had an Ellie and Mom day to look for sports bras, and I got Chick-Fil-A mac and cheese, fries, and lemonade.  So good!  Jill and Ale came over and I loved petting her and laughing at our dogs play with her.  Mom drove the Columbia girls to volleyball practice in Jefferson City.

We then had lots of snow and ice!  Lori's birthday party was cancelled and we had 3 days off school.  I was so glad because I was not ready to go back.  I'm worried about not having the energy and focus to do well this semester, having to start all over again.  Dad took me to meet Deyton's aunt Casey to deliver ornaments that our neighbor Bryan made. We only had school on Thursday and then we got a ton of snow and had Friday off!  We left early to head to Lawrence for our first volleyball tournament, the Power League Qualifier.  Maci chose me to play libero and let me know ahead of time.  It was nice to be able to mentally prepare ahead of time.  We made it into Power League 2!  Our team has a volleyball that ended up in our cart, and Maci is having us use it as an MVP for each tournament.  We all wrote inspiring quotes on it.  We named it "Beirne" after the name on it.  I was awarded the Beirne for the first tournament!

Papa Ron and Linda came here again to deliver a chair and play Fast Track.  Our family plays it almost every night!  I had volleyball practice, and Heidi came over to pick up the necklace I chose to put Deyton's ashes in.

My lower back has been hurting, so I started physical therapy again.  This year, we have to be invited to positionals.  I was exhausted emotionally and physically when it was my turn.  I really didn't want to go, but Mom and Dad said I needed to because I commited to it.  I didn't take it as seriously and had a lot of fun. I had practice the next day.  I am just hoping that I can keep my energy up for next month!

15 Years, 10 Months...The beginning of healing

 More to come...

This month has been a struggle as I am physically and emotionally exhausted.  We had Deyton's celebration of life and it was very somber.  I wish I felt the same peace I had after the candlelight vigil.  Lila came back early from her swim meet so she could make it, and we went out for Panera macaroni and cheese afterward.  It was some good comfort food and conversation.

Papa Rick and Nana Peggy came for a visit that night and I just was not up to visiting.  I was able to make it to a couple of family dinners and made it through.

I had my back MRI.  I also started back at club practice and it was good to be back on the court and have something to focus on.  Immediately after, I wanted to text Deyton and was devasted when the reality hit me once again.

I was one of 20 area volleyball players selected to play in a Hometown Heroes charity event.  We had one practice night before the game.  It was fun to play with such amazing players!  I was tied for the shortest person there.  The night of the game was so much fun.  The support and comradery between the players is what I crave.  I laughed and played hard and was just what I needed.

We had an early Thanksgiving at Lisa's.  It didn't feel like Thanksgiving but we had fun playing games.  I am trying so hard to be present and that's about all I can do.  I went to two MU volleyball games with mom and was able to sit by Janaya both times.  It was nice to be with friends.  Our family went to Washington for Thanksgiving.  We went to Grandma Kathy and Grandpa Tom's and I tried really hard to be happy, but just couldn't do it the whole day.  We went to Papa Ron and Linda's the next day and played Fast Track. Even though I won all the games, I just didn't feel happy.

There were a few highlights to healing.  I chose to play in the snow with the dogs one afternoon.  I also got to pull Emily's tooth because it was wiggly and I love doing that!  We had St. Nicholas day and a White Elephant party with the Missouri Juniors team.  Our church youth group had our baking night.  We also had our BHS volleyball banquet.  I think I am about peopled out and tired of faking it.

One positive thing is that Heidi and I have become close.  We send each other a "Daily Deyton" to remember him.  Sometimes it is a bible verse, but it helps me get through.  I know this is going to be a long hard road.

15 Years, 9 Months...Life is like a rollercoaster...

More to come...

The first part of this month started pretty normal.  I had my last physical therapy appointment for my foot, and am starting massage for my lower back.  I was able to babysit Chase once. Our family decided to skip the Mizzou Homecoming parade for the first time.  We just had a lot going on and it was cold.  Instead, I did hot yoga with our club volleyball team.  I made it through, but it was MISERABLY hot!  It was 99.7 degrees in the room!  Mom and I went to the MU volleyball game after and it was great to watch them play.  Maci held our introductory MO Juniors volleyball zoom.

I took the PSAT at school.  Districts started this month too!  My goal was to get out of the first round, which we did!  We played against Smith Cotton at Helias and won 3-0! Mom took Deyton while dad was giving the ACT.  Papa Ron and Linda were able to make it.  We played the second round of districts against Blue Springs South and lost 0-3.  I got an awesome surprise that I was named Second Team All-Districts!

The youth at Church were able to plan a service and I did the first part of the sermon.  It's something that I had in my mind for a long time and loved planning and delivering it.  I spoke about how life is like a roller coaster and you never know when the dips are going to come.  I was really proud of myself, and Elizabeth and Katie who spoke after me.  Our Church hosted a trunk or treat and chili cook off.  I have been so busy that I chose to do nothing on Halloween.

Against my will, I got my flu shot with Emily at Hy-Vee.  Grandma Kathy came to stay with us while Mom and Dad went to their conference.  I was allowed to go to Deyton's house the first night and enjoyed hanging out with him and his dog.

There are really no words for what happened next.  Deyton chose to take his life on Tuesday, November 4th.  He had visited me that night and seemed fine.  He got in trouble and was messaging me through a computer and I just knew something was wrong.  I called his dad and 911 and just prayed with Grandma Kathy.  Hours later, we got the message that he was gone.

I went through every emotion multiple times in the next few hours.  I just didn't want to believe it.  There was no way he was gone.  I was able to have an emergency appointment with Amy, and had a doctor's appointment the next day to give me medicine to help stay calm.  I actually went to school the next day with Mom and Dad and stayed in the counselor's office for half the day.  There were so many people who came to hug me and support me.  He was loved by so many people.  I was really worried that Deyton's dad would be mad at me, but he and his girlfriend Heidi actually came to see me after they left the hospital.  They told us that because I acted so quickly, they were able to save all of his organs for donation.  They were so loving and grateful.

I went to school the rest of the week but didn't attend all my classes.  It's just so hard to concentrate.  I have had so many visitors-Coach Sammi and Coach Peyton, my entire Columbia club volleyball team, Jill and Ale, and so many more.  Everyone is bringing me gifts and it is like a sad Christmas.  I skipped first week of club practice because I just couldn't do it.  Our school allowed us to have a candlelight vigil, held on the baseball field to honor him and I was able to speak.  I was so worried I wouldn't be able to do it, but I just felt his presence there.  I felt at peace that night.

I've been trying to get back to normal.  I saw Dr. Bohon for my lower back pain.  I had an X-ray that showed no fracture.  I am going to get an MRI and then do physical therapy.  I was also invited to attend a speech and debate interest meeting and I decided to go.  This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.  

15 Years, 8 Months...Highs and lows of our volleyball season

 More to come...

Battle volleyball made school history twice the first week of this month!!! We beat Blair Oaks for the first time in school history!  Then, two days later, we beat Helias for the first time.  We had never even taken a set from them before.  We not only won, but we won in extra points in the 5th set and I served the winning ACE!!!  It is something I will never forget!

With all this, I had a physical therapy appointment which was really hard on my foot.  I had an appointment scheduled with Dr. Bohon and she was worried about my pain level and I had X-rays taken.  Thank goodness there was no fracture!  My pain level went back to its normal level after a few days of rest.  I am just really exhausted and can use a break in general.

Mom and I went to support Lila in her cross country meet in Fulton, and I got to celebrate her 16th birthday at a picnic.  We got dressed up and had a great time!  I went back to her dad's house and we watched movies for a while.  I've missed hanging out with her.

The next week of volleyball wasn't as good.  We played against Jeff City and lost in three sets against Ali and Landrie's team.  It was great seeing Ali and the Vogt's though.  We also played Hickman and won 3-1.  I can't say we played great though.  Then, we had an all day tournament in Warrenton and Grandma Kathy and Grandpa Tom came to support us.  We again did not play great and really had a couple of players who had negative attitudes that brought us down.  In pool play, we lost to Fort Zumwalt West (1-2), won against Owensville (2-0), lost against St. Louis Christian (0-2).  We ended up in the lower bracket because of our record.  We were easily able to beat Wright City (2-0) and Owensville again (2-0) to get 5th out of 8. It was a very disappointing finish for what could have been a great tournament for us.

We went to Union on Tuesday of the next week.  It was nice to have Grandma Kathy, Papa Ron, and Linda there to support us.  I just didn't feel great and thought I was going to throw up during the game.  It was another very disappointing loss (3-1.)  I enjoyed being able to see Grandma Kathy's new house after the game, and had a long ride back home.  Good thing we didn't have school the next three days and I cancelled my PT appointment.

We played against Capital City and lost 0-3.  It was another rough game.  In one of the final points, I dove for a ball and landed on my hip.  I couldn't feel my leg and thought I could go back in until my coaches pulled me out.  I laid on the ground for a long time.  Their athletic trainer came over and was concerned about the lack of feeling that I had in my leg.  I ended up riding in an ambulance to the hospital in Jefferson City for X-rays.  Luckily, there was no permanent damage.  I most likely hit a nerve.  We got home around 2:00 and feeling was starting to come back.  It was much better in the morning.

The next day was the homecoming parade, and then the homecoming dance on Saturday!  I went over to Tristn's with Audrey to get ready.  Deyton picked me up from there and we had pictures taken with his friends.  We had enough time to go out to eat at IHOP before the dance (we were planning for after) and stop by home for pictures with my family.  We tired to get his boutonniere on, and Dad ended up breaking the rose bud off.  Mom pinned it back together.  I had so much fun hanging out with Deyton and my friends and just being free and happy.

We had another busy week of volleyball the next week with three games.  Dad went to Sedalia to watch us defeat Smith Cotton (3-0).  The whole family watched us take down Fatima (3-0) for senior night.  Taylor asked me to give her senior speech and it was hard to do through the tears.  I am going to miss her, Janiya, and Henley so much next year!  Mom drove down and watched Camdenton beat us (1-3.)  Our last regular season game was against Rock Bridge and we had another disappointing 3-0 loss for our pink out game.  We have 11 days with only practices before we start districts.  I'm hoping to get things together by then!

15 Years, 7 Months...Start of sophomore year!

More to come...

A few things happened at church this month.  We did the Blessing of the Backpacks, but I decided not to go up in front.  It was too childish for me.  We also said good-bye to Pastor Caleb.  He has been such a great addition to our pastoral staff and I was really hoping he would become our full time pastor.  I wish him the best of luck in his new church.

I started Sophomore year and I think I am ready to do the more challenging classes.  I am taking a block class for English and Social Studies credit that I will be taking the AP test to gain college credit.  I love the teachers in that class.  I was excited that they gave me homework!  Mom and Dad both went to Back to School night and met most of my teachers. I had picture retakes because the ones I had taken before school were not the best smile since my mouth was still partially paralyzed.

I went with Mom to Mizzou's Black and Gold scrimmage.  I am so excited for their season!  Mom took me to another game, as we have season tickets again!  We went to the MU game versus Lindenwood with Missouri Juniors.  It was nice to see everyone again, but I think we are all tired.  I'm still a little hesitant to start club.  Good thing I am loving high school volleyball!  We had a volleyball pool party at Taylor's house and it was so much fun!  We played a hide and seek game in the dark and laughed so hard.  Grace and I hid in someone's car, and we also ran through the yard and I tripped and rolled over the posts for the volleyball net.  More laughter!

Before we even really started our season, we did several fundraisers for the team.  We did a pancake fundraiser at the school and my family came to support it.  We also did an Andy's fundraiser and Tristn, Audrey, and I stood outside to hand out the fliers.  We did the calendar fundraiser again, as well as selling Shakespeare's pizzas.  I'm tired of asking for money, and didn't do the club fundraiser that happened at the same time.

Battle volleyball has been great this year!  I think we are going to have a great team! We played against a couple of alumni and our coaches in the Call to Battle.  It was so much fun and really funny. In the Jamboree, we won in two sets each to Fatima and California.  We also won the next 4 games: Eldon at home (3-1), Tolton away (3-0), Boonville at home (3-0), and Hallsville away (3-0). I was actually named player of the game for the Hallsville game and got interviewed by the Columbia Missourian! We also played in the Hickman tournament (Papa Ron, Linda, and Mom were my spectators.) We took second in pool play because we started off a little slow: Fatima (1-1), Tolton (2-0), Greenridge (2-0), and DeSoto (1-1).  We got to play and beat Hickman in bracket (2-1), lost to Oak Grove (1-2), and took third overall when we beat DeSoto (2-0.) I can't wait to see what our team can do the rest of the season!

Our family celebrated Corrine's 16th birthday at their house, which means my turn is next!  School hosted a Back to School Bash and I decided to go.  I had so much fun just being goofy and hanging out with my friends.  I met Deyton, who takes our volleyball pictures for the yearbook and we had a great time together.  We won matching fanny packs and I just enjoyed being myself.  I went dress shopping with Lila in Jeff City with her grandma and bought a dress there and one in Columbia.  I already have my dress shopping done for homecoming and court warming!

15 1/2 Years Old...Volleyball camps and sickness and healing

I was glad to have Nationals behind me and to start going to volleyball camps and for high school practices to start.  I went to the Mizzou volleyball camp with Kaya and we were roommates.  We accidentally got put with two other girls, but it got worked out.  We ended up becoming good friends with Sophie and Bella, who are definitely going DI.  Battle volleyball also went to the MU team camp this year.  It was super hot in the non-air conditioned gym, but it was a lot of fun.  I got to play libero!  My foot held out at both camps until the end of each day.  At the second camp (tournament), I was on the sideline and a girl from another court crashed into my back.  My foot and back were done for the day, right when mom got there to watch.   Our team also participated in the Licking tournament.  I got to play libero again!  We didn't play great the first day and actually lost to Hallsville (Dad's school.)  We played great the second day and ended up losing to Jefferson City (Ali and Landrie's team) to take 2nd overall!  We also played a scrimmage against Mexico, but it was mostly JV that played. Battle High School hosted a youth camp and I got to test my skills at "coaching" again.

Tristn and I went with our moms to Kansas City for the Prep Dig Showcase.  It was something I had been looking forward to for a long time and wanted to get some exposure.  It was an interesting experience and I'm glad I did it.  I skipped Saturday of VBS so I only got a minor role in the skit that I usually do.

After the first MU camp, we found out Dad got Covid, most likely from Nationals.  Mom and I both ended up getting it and feeling really crappy and exhausted for a week.  Luckily I was able to recover in between volleyball camps.  I went for my check up with Dr. Bohon.  She said my foot was maintaining, but recommended only playing over other day to reduce the load on my sesmoid bones to prevent a fracture.  That would result in a season ending cast.  I am starting physical therapy this month.  

I also had my wisdom teeth removed.  I was mostly scared about the IV, but I did ok.  Mom said I was really funny when I woke up.  I kept talking about them playing a Taylor Swift song, compared myself to Kim Kardashian, and was very sad that I didn't get to keep my teeth.  I entertained my friends when I called them on the way home.  Mom stopped to get a Tropical Smoothie for me and I got very mad at the lady who parked next to us because she was "looking at me!"  My stitches came out pretty early and it took a while for me to smile normally, but I think I have healed pretty well.

We also noticed that Twist was not doing well.  He lost 3 pounds over the last year and started projectile vomiting.  His blood work was normal, so we took him to get an ultrasound.  That vet said that his small intestines were not working and he thought it might be blocked.  Dr. Rose did exploratory surgery on him the next day and didn't find anything.  He did take a couple of biopsies of his lymph nodes and was concerned he may not make it through the night.  He was very frail and would hide from us.  Somehow a few days later, he started eating and getting more energy!  His biopsies turned out to be normal, so we don't even know what happened.  He is back to his old self!

I also got to open my very own checking account!  It feels good to have a place to put the money I am making.  I got to watch Chase once this month in between everything.  Our family volunteered at the Food Bank again.  I really enjoy doing that.  I went to see Twisters with Lucy and Lila.

After all this, I was "peopled out!"  I didn't even want to see John on a day that I had off.  We decided to break up because we weren't making time for each other.  I wasn't all that upset about it.  Mom and Dad went back to work, which means school is shortly behind.  Nana Arden brought lunch for us a couple of days.

We had our high school try-outs and I made the team and will be playing libero!  I'm so excited for the season!

I went to the MU volleyball camp and found a puppy!

Kaya, my roommate!

Getting my first checking account

Poor Twisty!

We got to play Ali's team in the final at the Licking Tournament!!!

Battle Spartans

I wouldn't want to be seen in public with this hair net!

Getting caught tickling Emily

15 Years, 5 Months...Nationals in a boot

We started off the month with a birthday party for Camille.  I went to the Cat Café with John as well.  He loves cats as much as I do!  I got my hair cut and decided that I would pay for my own highlights.  I absolutely love them!  I was able to watch Chase twice with his cousin this busy month.  The first time, we went to the pool.  He loved watching kids go down the slide and got excited when we splashed him.  I really enjoy working with him.  Our family had a garage sale, but I was pretty busy with my own stuff and wasn't able to be there for much of it.  I also got to go over to Lucy's and hang out.  She just had a baby sister born and she is so cute! I also went with mom and dad when they signed their will.  It weird to think about that. Katie, Elizabeth, and I went to Jack's to make friendship bracelets for camp since I can't go instead of going to the Frankenberg Fest.  We also went to Katie's and church to do more.

As far as volleyball, I have been going to BHS volleyball when I can.  I also go to Missouri Juniors practice and play just a little bit.  Our team had a youth clinic after practice in Jefferson City and I really enjoyed it.  Somehow I ended up with two daughters of my mom's friends in my group.  They were so sweet.  We had a scrimmage against 417 14s and 15s, as we are all going to Nationals. It was apparent that we are not ready for Nationals and haven't had enough practices together after our break from the regular season.  I have been working hard to look up game film of the teams that we are playing so we are ready and wish the other girls did as well.

I went to my much awaited Columbia College camp and really enjoyed it.  At the end, the head coach said that I should think about visiting Columbia College!  I was over the moon and am really excited and interested in the school.  I think it may be my number one choice if I can't play Division I.

Some of our Juniors team had a sleepover at Gamma Phi Beta with Kaya's grandma. We had so much fun bonding.  We played sand volleyball and saw Dawn Sullivan there playing!  She watched us for a little bit and mom told me that she probably knew who we were since we did the Special Olympics event with her last month!  I love spending time with Kaya and we shopped at Plato's Closet one evening.

We did a 4th of July BBQ with the Fajen's and Nana Arden at our house.  I absolutely hate fireworks and didn't even come out for them.  I went to see Dr. Bohon about my foot.  She said that I still need to heal in boot or could spend school season in a cast.  I just have to prioritize what is important to me for when I am using my foot.  The problem is, everything is a priority right now!  I was incredibly disappointed that I wasn't clearly completely.

We ran errands and packed for Vegas after the 4th. I watched Emily while mom and dad went to a concert in St. Louis. She would not fall asleep and spent some time on my floor sleeping until I kicked her out. We didn't really get any sleep as mom and dad came home and we left for our 7 AM Kansas City flight.

Nationals and Las Vegas was an interesting experience to say the least.  It was 118 degrees the whole time we were there. Everything was so expensive and far away.  Walking in a boot it not fun in that heat!  Like I thought, our team did not play great and there were 3 games that we lost that we definitely should have won.  I ended up getting put in for Kaya which cut her playing time.  Then, I lost my serving position.  I missed three balls in one game on day 2 and ended up getting taken out for the day.  I was so upset and didn't understand why it was just me.  It really put a damper on my spirits the rest of the time.  I had to work hard to keep my attitude positive.  Day 3 was the hardest.  Maci told me before the day began that she gave me chances and had to take me out.  If I had questions, I could talk to her when we got back to Columbia.  The problem was that we had try outs the next day at 7:30 AM, Maci got sick, and her grandmother died.  She didn't have time to talk to me.  We did some team bonding things while we were there.  We rode in a limo, went to the Ice Bar, had a team dinner, and walked to the Bellagio.

When we got back to Kansas City, mom stayed with Jill for her conference for four days. We had try outs the very next day at 7:30.  Mom never misses try-outs, even when I couldn't make it last year, she went to them!  It was weird to do it without her, but I processed everything with dad.  I got an offer to be on the same team (minus Landrie who is playing with her own age group) with Maci.  I also went to Alpha Omega's try-outs and got an offer to play on their elite team.  I decided to go with 573 Missouri Juniors because it is a consistent team that I know.  I'm not as excited as I normally am about the season and hope to get that spark back soon.  I was ready a day later for the Mizzou camp with Kaya!

Team tie-dye

Missouri Juniors youth clinic

I can imagine being a coach!

These two were my mom's former co-worker's kids!

Watermelon season!

Loving on my Twisty

My family is at Nationals because I'm awesome at volleyball!

My team bestie

Just a few tournament shots

Guess who we found?!?  Dawn Sullivan, head coach for Mizzou!!!

And the Red Hat Volleyball Recruiter

Team group photos

Tie dye day

Limo night

EJ's grandma taught us how to gamble

Ready for the Minus5 Ice Bar

Last night team dinner

Last night walking with the team and families to the Bellagio and Caesar's Palace

Outside the Bellagio

Gorgeous room at the Bellagio

My dream was to go to Café Lola and we barely made it!

The kitten at the airport that made my day

Last time being Landrie's teammate after our flight home

So tired on the plane home (Emily's show entertained me)